Woe is Me

I've lost sensible reasoning in my head lol. Tis the season to give and be merry. Last night, I spent $400 bucks on my boyfriend's gift....iPod Video...Now, not saying he's not worth the gift and I'm not saying money is everything...but $400? I don't even think I've spent 400 for one item on myself EVER and I did for him...

He got me a DVD player and Monopoly the Board game....should I be worried? Should the voices in my head be screaming at me..."Stupid, Stupid, Stupid..." Should I have gotten him an iPod when no more than a week ago I cried to him to pay more attention to me...to be more considerate of my feelings??? Then I stand around while he buys his mother a $300 gold charm...Now...money is no option people. I don't stand around looking at prices...but its all about the "thought"...the love and heart put into a gift. I just find what he got me to be so non-personal...ya know? A DVD player, EVERYONE can enjoy. A Board game, EVERYONE can enjoy...even if the iPod is something you can share, all in all...it belongs to HIM and only HIM...so yeah, can you see my distress in all this? Is it wrong for me to feel the way I do? Feel like no matter what I express to him, this is how he feels about me...

Nothing personal...just great sex wrapped up with a title of "girlfriend and boyfriend"...and I'm not even going to lie about this...he is by far one of the BEST relationships I've ever had...but there are things missing....things that I shouldn't have to point out every damn time. why must I remind a man to consider "the love of his life"...blah...

Maybe its just the mood I'm in...the season, my bullshyt....maybe I'm actually right about feeling the way I do...but when does it matter?

When does whatever *I* feel matter to anyone who doesn't have to deal with me the way my boyfriend would...or my family would...

Does this even make sense anymore?

::tears::