It's been two years since I've seen her face and smelled her skin...maybe a lot longer since I last seen her truly smile and she didn't stink of death...My mother's scent like a garden of wildflowers in a warm summer night. I miss how small her bones really were. How soft her coarse hair was and how much she loved its auburn color...
On this day, she passed away. Cancer ate her up...but I kept her heart. I couldn't hold her hand through it because I wouldn't let her go and I think she knew that. I hope she knew that...I hope she knows I love her still and even more now, that I can't take it for granted. I hope she knows there is not one moment where she doesn't cross my mind...Sometimes it feels like I'm sinking and it's because I can't hold her to me. It's not death that I hate, it's her life that I'm missing...The things she'll miss in mine and all the advice that I'll need and she can't give me. She's not suffering anymore and I understand.
The mending has begun, but I'll never know how long it'll take to heal and if I ever will...but know, this day of all days...I miss my mother and it hurts...and I feel it with my whole heart.
Fast Forward
My heart has shifted. I love again and never the same...its never the same...I've learned to love differently. Feel stronger in my skin...I won't break again. On to the next, but I'm still the sensitive type. I want some kind of twisted fairytale, the damaged princess rescued by her misunderstood prince lol...We lived happily indeed, forever isn't promised so I'll take what I can get...maybe thats why I'm always stuck in these "second best" situations. One day, I will know myself well enough and learn my lessons...until then, I will count my blessings and smile at all the little things that make it all seem well worth it.
I was locked away in a dungeon for a year and a half...lol...Free at last, free at last...
This is the first time I've written this much in about 4 months...This is not The Poet speaking.
I have not been on stage in over a year...I've lost my will to write and I've been on a journey to find it again...
Where there is love, there is chaos.
I need to get back on the ball and keep it on a rooolllllll.
I still have the will to live, God help me.
I want the strength to survive, Goddess bless me.
23 years old and she's no joke...the damn vamp got it and she don't even know.
The Saga Continues, my friends...
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